Sunday, November 21, 2010

Durrrty Durrrty South Hype-Show



1)
Show opens with a sudden burst of activity, as the outside lasers, pyro and smoke machines flare to life. “Diamonds” by KANYE WEST blares through the surround sound system.

The Diamond Dynasty (“Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers & Wade Barrett) escorted by Bobby “the Brain” Heenan make their way to the ring.

After an elaborate introduction of the various members, “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers takes the mic.



”NATURE BOY” BUDDY ROGERS: "Yeah, I got leaks all over the place, all over Vince McMahon Jr.'s territory, down South. I just got a call this morning from Wally Karbo [a Minneapolis promoter associated with Gagne]. He'll just call me up and I relinquish my thoughts to them, they'll relinquish their thoughts to me. McMahon just about now realizes what he took on. He thought he was going to roughshod over everyone and anyone. Now, his dad wouldn't have done this.

McMahon, Jr. is the modern-day Hitler of professional wrestling, and if you told him that to his face, he'd take you out and buy you the biggest steak you could eat. He thrives on the people around him hating his guts. He loves it -- but he doesn't realize that in the final analysis he'll get torched and he'll burn.

BOBBY “the Brain” HEENAN: Their family is watching this at home wondering if the wheels are going to get stolen off their house.

”NATURE BOY” BUDDY ROGERS: Well, wrestling has changed. Like a 360-degree turn from my day. The holds that were great in my day -- especially the two that I invented, the figure-four leglock and the 'Atomic Knee Drop' -- are still the most famous holds today. The style? It's changed a lot -- outside of the original style that I invented, like the Strut, which is used (sarcastically) by the best in the business today, such as Ric Flair and Brutus Beefcake, who stumbles through it, he looks like he has shackles on his feet when he walks.

WADE BARRETT: We’ve got what I would call a business relationship. We’re not so much friends, and we’re not mates. We don’t hang out together or go to the pub together; it’s not anything like that. It’s purely a business relationship where I’m learning from the “best in the world at what he does.” And I’m sure in the future there’s going to be payback where I’m able to back him up and help him out and return the many favors that he’s given me at the moment.

BOBBY “the Brain” HEENAN: His mother told me when he was eight months old he sat up in his crib and said 'Headlock.'

”NATURE BOY” BUDDY ROGERS: Cena? To me, he’s a very highly overrated wrestler. He doesn’t stand a ghost of a chance with RIKIDOZAN or MIL MASCARAS. Mil, he is the most agile, tremendously-conditioned athlete -- never got tired. I would sit back and admire this guy, really I would. I'd never tell him that, but hey, you know, I'm human, but God darn, I believe in one thing, and I'll give credit where it's due. Wrestling isn’t fake today, it’s a lost art.

The Diamond Dynasty is here today in the Drrty Drrty South to further the recruitment process for their elusive 4th member. A lot of gold has passed through the South; a lot of Champions have been made here. But is there anyone of the caliber to become the newest member of the Diamond Dynasty???

Bobby “the Brain” Heenan gives a verbose, extravagant introduction to an unnamed Local Jobber who jogs to the ring wearing amateur wrestling gear while waving to the crowd. The Diamond Dynasty surrounds the young man like a pack of wild dogs, chuckling and rubbing their hands together with bad intentions. Heenan asks the young man where he’s from. “North Dakota State” he replies, to a moderate pop from the audience.


BOBBY “the Brain” HEENAN: North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?

The young man’s ever present smile suddenly drops. The others inch closer around him, and he offers up a handshake to the bronzed, immaculately-attired “Nature Boy”.

BOBBY “the Brain” HEENAN What good is shaking your hands? If you want to shake something, put your hands together and wrap them around your opponent's head.

The young man is clearly confused, having no idea what he has gotten himself into. So “Nature Boy” politely takes the mic to educate him further.

”NATURE BOY” BUDDY ROGERS: I remember two fatal incidents in the ring. One was Ala Pasha, I don't know if you ever heard of him, he got killed in Pittsburgh. And the other guy was Johnny Hajak, in Columbus, Ohio. . . . Well, with Hajak, there I know he was trying his best and missed a drop-kick. Went over the top rope, landed on his neck on the outside, on the cement floor. That ten-foot drop did it. I don't know if he died instantly, but he was dead on arrival in the dressing room. That's where I was. I tell you, it dampened the whole night. It killed the night. That was the second match. Everyone on the card -- no one could get enthused, couldn't care less. There were people in there getting sick, to where they'd throw up just thinking about it. It just killed the whole night…

The Diamond Dynasty has inched closer and closer to the young man, as to be completely surrounding him at this point.

WADE BARRETT: I’m not a terribly popular person in life. I can handle that. I’m quite happy with that. I think if I met myself in the street, I probably wouldn’t like me either. But the fact that I’m not a likable person shouldn’t reflect on my standing in BCCW. I think that you need to take a step back and look at who’s actually the quality candidate at RESPECT THE SHOOTERS & HOOKERS, and I think you will find that’s Wade Barrett.

BOBBY “the Brain” HEENAN: (to the young man) If you ever had your moon salted you'd know how painful that could be…

Suddenly, the Diamond Dynasty swarms the boy and lays him out with a brutal gangland beating. The vicious assault climaxes with WADE BARRETT finishing the boy with his fireman’s carry slam, before “NATURE BOY” BUDDY ROGERS cinches in the Figure-4 leglock, reducing the barely conscious young man to tears. All the while BOBBY “the Brain” HEENAN is cackling wildly into the mic and directing traffic.

WADE BARRETT: The Diamond Dynasty will be going after either the WWE Title or the World Heavyweight Title. I want to aim at the top, but I’ll be taking some advice from Nature Boy & the Brain before I make any moves like that. I’m here to be the best, to make myself a lot of money. The way you make money is getting to the top of the list. If you want to be guaranteed a top of the bill performer, you need the Heavyweight Title, and that’s what I’m going to be hoping for.

The Diamond Dynasty arrogantly embraces in the ring, and spit upon the Southern fans who lack the charm, style and sophistication to be one of them. More Up North love, Down South hate. They leave the ring with their arms raised, serenaded by a chorus of boos.


2)




3) LOU THESZ makes his way to the ring through a crowd that treats him like a conquering King. Even though the crowd is amped and his Undisputed Championship is polished, Lou Thesz does not look happy. He is all business.




LOU THESZ: By way of an introduction, I would like to give you an overview of what is happening in my life and the wrestling world I know. It may not be of interest to all of you, but I feel Broken City Championship Wrestling is the best chance I have of finding people of like minds. When I became a professional wrestler, I had high hopes of “professional wrestling” becoming just that. Professional wrestling did not rise from the amateur sports as most professional sports have done. It evolved from con artists and carnivals. However, today there are so many great wrestlers around - Ed Lewis, Jack Swagger, Desmond Wolfe, Triple H and so many more. I never had any illusions that it was anything but a business… anytime you sell tickets, it is a business. However, I preferred to see professional wrestling as it was in the gym and in public workouts. I was naive enough to believe it could be that exciting and still involve the audience....and still sell tickets.

One theory is WWII as the turning point. When so many of the wrestlers were in the Armed Services, and the country was hungry for entertainment, the promoters took guys off the street who looked good and sold them to a hungry public as "rasslers." This started the trend toward the entertainment form we have today. Responsibility is shared, but it is also irrelevant. It doesn't matter that what the Buddy Rogers of this world did in the ring was unrelated to wrestling. Or that the hundreds of promoters presented a product totally unrelated to wrestling. Or that Ted Turner and Vince McMahon continue to do something totally unrelated to wrestling. The reality is still the same: it sells tickets. I often think: if I had saved my money and promoted a different product, or had not sold my talent to the wrong promoters, or had helped more of the really great wrestlers make it into pro wrestling, or stayed in the shoe repair shop with my father, or........... The bottom line is still the same and probably would still be.

References the alleged “bounty” that has been placed on his head within BCCW, and its mysterious origin. In this business, you watch out for #1. Introduces the man that will have his back at “RESPECT THE SHOOTERS & HOOKERS”. His mentor, his trainer, the one-and-only…

ED “THE STRANGLER” LEWIS!!!



5’10”
265 lbs

He is the most accomplished submission wrestler in the sport, and is feared and respected both inside and outside of the ring for his extensive knowledge of amateur wrestling, and even more for his wide array of crippling wrestling holds known as "hooks". All of the wrestlers know that Ed Lewis easily can (and sometimes will) injure and legitimately cripple any wrestler that crossed him, anytime he feels like it.

Among the many championships he would win were no less than 5 Undisputed World Heavyweight Championships between 1920-1931, holding the title 5 out of the 11 years and making him the World Champion w/the most World title reigns for 30 years, until Lou Thesz broke his record. He also won the A.W.A. (Boston) World Heavyweight title, and unified that with the Undisputed World championship. However, on April 14, 1931 he lost the AWA championship (the 1st step in what would eventually re-shatter the World Title once again into many factions) in a very controversial match by DQ. However, he was still recognized as World Champion in Chicago (then the center of the wrestling world) and in most other wrestling hotbeds across the country. He won the New York State Athletic Commission (N.Y.S.A.C.) World Heavyweight title in 1932, and re-established himself to East Coast fans (and promoters) as the true World Champion. 10 years later (nearly 30 years after his wrestling career started) on November 26, 1942 he defeated Orville Brown for the Midwest Wrestling Association World Heavyweight title in Kansas City, KS and again reaffirmed just exactly who was the #1 wrestler in the world.

ED “THE STRANGLER” LEWIS!!!



LOU THESZ: I do know pro wrestling has been used to promote a product that is unhealthy, or maybe the world has become something too strange for me to make myself notice. I know some fairly nice kids who are interested in pro wrestling, but I know a hell of a lot of kids who will be the leaders of a healthy society because they are wrestlers - amateur wrestlers. I know of no other sport which cultivates the best in each individual. Wrestling cultivates self reliance and eliminates the tendency to misplace responsibility for failure. Wrestling builds physical strength and strength of character. It builds tenacity and endurance. It is the original and most basic and even primitive sport. Wrestling goes to the core of our competitive spirit without being destructive - except, maybe, to ones ears.

ED “The Strangler” LEWIS: The new style of "slambang wrestling" is terrible and awful. If you put on a good scientific match, they (the wrestling fans) walk out. They want to see slamming.

LOU THESZ: So many people write to me and lament the passing of an era in pro wrestling. I appreciate their sentiment, but I know most of them shell out their money for the pay per views. It isn't a matter of "selling out" the old timers. It is a matter of buying a product you want, and it is the basis for capitalism. After becoming a professional wrestler, I don't ever remember buying a ticket to a wrestling match, (with the exception of charity matches where we wrestled for free and bought our tickets), and I certainly would not start now…

Lou Thesz and the Strangler announce the upcoming match with Jack Swagger at “RESPECT THE SHOOTERS & HOOKERS” will be a “Best 2 out of 3 Falls Match”. Just like they used to do it in the old days.

LOU THESZ: So Ed Lewis came to town, the old "Strangler" and we arranged a private workout in the gym and there were some really stupid reports about me beating Lewis in five minutes and all that stuff, you know some publicity people will take a lot of liberties and that was a complete falsehood, where they dreamed that up I don't know. Anyway, in about 15-20 minutes he had me beaten down to a pulp, you know? And I retired from wrestling, I didn't tell anybody anything and Tragos when I left, said everything was okay. I said, "Okay with you? Fine, not okay with me." So I went back and I told my father "Okay, I'm going to stop wrestling now." And he wanted me to stop and take over his shoe repair shop, so I said, "Okay, I'm ready to take over the shop, whenever you want me to do it, we'll do it." So Ed Lewis got wind of this so he called my father, which would be like the President of the United States calling you to say "Hello" because my father had never talked with him. Anyway he said to my father, "Tell that guy to get back up here." He said, "Tell the boy to come back, he did very very well." He said, "But he forgot that he was wrestling me, and I've traveled the world and learned to take care of myself and that's what we we're trying to teach him to do." So I mulled that over a day or two and when I looked at the shoe repair shop again compared to the fantastic hype you get with the wrestling, I said, "I think I'm going back to the gym."
 

4) The main event. The whole reason everybody is here today, revving their motorcycle engines, waving their confederate flags and having their fat, tattooed hoes flash their flabby boobs. BCCW security sets up the sound system while “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd plays in the background. Finally, they emerge from behind the curtain to a thunderous ovation – loudest one of the night.

Introducing THE FABULOUS FREEBIRDS!!!!



BCCW’s “RESPECT THE SHOOTERS & HOOKERS”!!! Coming soon!!!

CREDITS:
LOU THESZ: 1998 Wrestling Classics

ED “Strangler” LEWIS: New York Times Obituary, August 8th 1966

NATURE BOY BUDDY ROGERS: Sleeper Hold by Ray Tennenbaum

WADE BARRETT: The NXT Interview By: Kara A. Medalis Written: April 19, 2010

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