THE GRAND CONJUNCTION

 

It's in the books, folks: the BCCW PPV that I said was the most intriguing one in a long time.

Did it live up to my hype? Actually, yeah, I kinda think so... then again, the only thing I said was that this was the best-on-paper BCCW PPV since the last one!!! That is, objectively speaking, not a hard order to fill, no matter how much WWE and their incompetent monkeys try to make is seem like Voodoo Calculus.

Without any real good hype/build-up/expectations, I know ”BEHIND the WALLS” still scratched me where I itch, but I'm pretty sure tonight still ended up being the most-Mania-y Mania in over half-a-decade: the hype and expectations were mighty, but then again, so were the goods.

Three matches delivered big time (one of them will be remembered not just at year-end-voting time, but for years to come), three others were more than tolerable. And really, only two outright antagonized me. I won't just take that. I'll call that a night well spent. Damned well spent. You know what else is well spent? Your donation to keep OO up and running! If you like what we give you, drop as little as a few bucks (or as much as your fat cat lifestyle will allow) by visiting our PayPal page (they're our preferred processor, but all credit cards are accepted). How's that for a Cheap Plug?

Mick Foley would be so proud of me... maybe he'll be about a couple Benjamin’s proud of me. The Rick kinda has a notion to go on a little vacation in May, give himself a long-desired birthday present you could say, and could use the green to make it work for the best~! The rest of you deadbeats can chip in, too. PAYPAL me, if for no other reason than I shell out for the PPVs you can't be bothered to buy... just do the math: if I cover $250 of BCCW PPVs for you in a year, isn't that worth at least a five-spot? End the begginnenenening... do what you feel is right by the Force, OO Nation. I shall respect your decision.

And here are your off-the-cuff results and observations from the just-completed BCCW PPV:

Opening Festivities: it's a cold open to the arena/stadium. It's big, the roof is open, and the stage area looks sweet. It's about 14 Trons stacked in a "Step Pyramid" formation to create a 3-D effect (bigger screens on bottom, smaller screens on top, with one big screen out in front). Foursided above-the-ring screens, too, for the benefit of those in the Uecker seats. Then they shot it directly to the singing of "America the Beautiful," as done by American Idol Winner Fantasia. Christ almighty was she ever pitchy, dawg. And showboat-y, too. Vocal runs are unbecoming when you hit them; they are throat-punch-worthy when you miss. Where is Lilian Garcia when I need her? Then one long video package that's all classy and history-y, then a shorter graphic/bumper thing set to the AudioSlave song, and it's time to just head to our first match...

1) FABULOUS FREEBIRDS versus “BOOGIE WOOGIE MAN” JIMMY VALIANT and CHARLIE BROWN from OUTTA TOWN

versus
&

Fabulous Freebirds versus “Boogie Woogie Man” Jimmy Valiant & Charlie Brown from Outta Town (???). Boogie Woogie Man gets an extended rapping entrance, and Charlie Brown from Outta Town his own entrance (which is truncated by our first view of the MSD/TGF/HTM announce team). Charlie Brown is noticeably taller than Valiant, but the beard and builds are spot on. The Fabulous Freebirds enter together (accompanied by ”Bad Street USA and a visit to the Spanish Announce Table with MSD’s checklist of eleventy billion countries currently watching BCCW).

Fast start for the good guys (cool double team move: dual legdrops, Boogie Woogie Man flippy from a standing position, Charlie Brown from the top rope), but Gordy slows things down. We appear to be settling in for a Face in Peril beatdown when Valiant misses the shimmying elbow drop and Buddy Roberts simultaneously misses a plancha, but instead, Hayes becomes the Heel Who Got Pinned. I'm serious: I thought were were in for 10 more minutes, then ”Charlie Brown” blind-tagged himself in while Valiant was running the ropes, and KO Punched Roberts (as is his wont), and pinned Hayes. I'm saying 4 minutes, tops. Not even the "free TV match" we'd speculated about here in our previews. Valiant and Charlie Brown party in the ring. Charlie Brown unmasks to reveal…. BRUISER BRODY!?!?!?

 

Video Package: BCCW is a week-long event. They brought cameras. I wasn't there, so what do I care?




2) JACK SWAGGER (w/ Alexxis Neveah) versus
NECRO BUTCHER (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus
“ADORABLE” ADRIAN ADONIS (w/ Sammi Lane)
Jack Swagger (w/ Alexxis Neveah won a Triple Threat Match over Necro Butcher (w/ Lizzy Borden) and ”Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w/ Sammi Lane). Adonis & Sammi Lane enters first in UD Blue; Lizzy Borden (w/ Butcher) enters second in FABULOUS~! orange-and-white; Swagger enters last in black (because he's the babyface~!) The three-way brawling starts with Butcher trying to hit Swagger with a plancha, but Swagger moves, and Butcher takes out Lizzy Borden. Swagger gets his wits about him, and then drags both back up onto the apron to hit a DOUBLE HANGMAN DDT~! The crowd liked that, and even I admit it's awesome. Butcher falls out of the ring, so Swagger starts STALKING~! his prey... gutwrench powerbomb set-up on Adonis… but Necro Butcher tries to pick that moment to attack Swagger from behind, but instead eats a release overhead suplex OVER the top rope through a table on the floor!!! Ankle lock on Adonis and he screams like a bitch and taps out. Roughly 8-10 minutes before the obligatory 3-way cat fight, which of course, the announcers sold as greatness. Double Hangman DDT = Good. Even I admit that.

Cut to commercial

 

Backstage: MSD gives us the hard sell on a superstar who is putting their reputation and career on the line tonight and then intro's ”Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers. He's with Heenan & Barrett and promises that his match will be the Best BCCW Moment EVAR~! Then [b]Sammi Lane[/b] shows up and starts singing "Simply the Best." Then Honky Tonk Man shows up and does a loud coughing noise to draw attention to himself and silence Sammi.



Then Honky does an advertisement for Slim Jims: "Anything can happen when you bites into a Slims Jim!" So Honky Tonk Man snaps into one, and Sammi Lane instantly transforms into "Adorable" Adrian Adonis (in the same dress). Adonis starts molesting Honky, so HTM snaps into it again. Now Adrian turns into a very-disgruntled Mean Gene Okerlund (in the same dress). Heh. Honky Tonk Man wants to try one more time. Gene turns into Melina (in the same dress, and wearing it the best). Honky figures -- much as Homer Simpson did in the Wacky Toaster Episode -- "ehhhh, close enough" and leaves arm in arm with Melina. Slim Jims: THEY GET YOU LAID~!????! At the same time, I rushed to the nearest WalMart to buy every last Slims Jim in the place... harmless fun....

3) T.L.C. INVITATIONAL
Ruckus vs Sabian vs Ryan Dangerfield vs. Evan Bourne vs. “Sick” Nick Mondo vs. Madman Pondo





Evan Bourne wins the Invitational T.L.C. match.  Order of entrance was BLK MOBB, Ryan "White Flash" Dangerfield, "Sick" Nick Mondo & Madman Pondo (aka "Cannibal Cartel") and Bourne.

Put this on the list of "stuff to youtube" if you didn't see it, since I won't do it justice. I'll just say that the first "story" was Ryan Dangerfield getting the piss kicked out of him because "everybody hated him" since he didn't legitimately qualify (but was rather Mister Mondt’s "chosen one"), so he powdered out after 1 minute... then the next cool thing was ”Sick” Nick Mondo building a Ladder Ramp up to a turnbuckle and using said ramp to mount-and-punch Madman Pondo, except Pondo had other ideas, and powerbombed Mondo onto his ladder ramp... and then they had an extended multi-spot 3-minute sequence where they created a cool 3-ladder structure (for a while, Ryan Dangerfield was trapped inside of it, even) in the middle of the ring, which wasn't fully destroyed until Sabian was powerbombed into one of the vertical ladders. Nice.

All that led up to a spot where Bourne & Ruckus went back and forth again, and Ruckus "broke" a ladder (I'm assuming it was gimmicked), and then Bourne rallied and used the two halves of the ladder as stilts and tried to walk his way into the middle of the ring to grasp victory... no dice, because here after 10 minutes is Ryan Dangerfield!!!. Oh lord, I had visions of him stealing the win here after doing ZERO in the match, just because somebody thinks that's what passes for "heel heat." But nope... Dangerfield stops Bourne, then then powders out again. Whew.

Now we have two ladders being set up, Bourne on one, Sabian on the other. Here's Madman Pondo, too, climbing up the other side of one of the ladders to put an end to that Happy Crappy. Bourne & Sabian join forces long enough to send Pondo flying through a tower of chairs, ladders and fluorescent light tubes. Then become enemies again long enough for Bourne to hit a Shooting Star Press off the top of the ladders onto Sabian. But Ruckus clears house with a steel chair and it looks like the Mobb is on their way to victory.. Suddenly, “SLAM” by Onyx rips through the stereo surround system…

It’s PUBLIC ENEMY!!!

 They bring their table in and the crowd is going crazy. Chair shots to Sabian! Ruckus catches a Drive-By through the table!!! Public Enemy in da house!!!

Then Bourne goes back up again, and now it's ”Sick” Nick Mondo’s turn to stop him.... lots of jockeying and taking swipes at the contract... and one of those swipes causes the case to bonk Mondo in the noggin. He goes flying. Bourne gets the contract and he’s your winner.

A PLEASANT surprise of a winner. And a really fun and creative spotfest leading up to it. Call it 15 minutes of sweetness.


4) TRIPLE H versus BRUNO SAMMARTINO
Legends Match

 versus

Video Package: Bruno Sammartino and Triple H. A LOT to work with there, and they worked in Sammartino’s cool little show-stealing promo from two weeks ago, for the most part.

Triple H beat Bruno. HHH tries to rock star it to start, acting unimpressed by Sammartino. But then Bruno bitchslaps him and goes for a Pedigree (!!!) inside of 30 seconds! I guess Trips *is* trying to re-live WM12! HHH manages to escape, and re-evaluates things. He gets a look of respectful determination on his face, instead of the cocky swagger, and rejoins the fight. HHH still in control (even with a Figure 4, which gets "whoooos" from the crowd and an acknowledgement of Rogers from MSD) for a while... that turns on a dime when HHH whips Sammartino into the steel ringsteps.

The face beatdown is nominally focused on HHH's "injured" leg, but is also pretty punchy-kicky once you factor in Hunter's non-dynamic hope spots. A HHH rally finally begins after a DDT (both men down, both men back up, and the fight is on), though that's followed by a spot where you clearly hear somebody call "Facebuster, OK?" which is then followed 4 seconds later by HHH hitting a facebuster. Whoops. HHH tries a mount-and-punch in the corner, which Sammartino tries to turn into a a top-rope Razor's Edge. No dice. Reversal into a Pedigree attempt. Re-reveersal into the Big Boot/Mafia Kick. Trips kicks out at 2.9999... another Sammartino Back-Breaker attempt, another reversal, this time into a spinebuster... both men down... Bruno rests in the ropes, and HHH tries to pull him off, but Sammartino uses that as a way to catch HHH off-balance and land another big shot... Sammartino senses victory now, and HHH is dead. Or is he? As da Brune tries to lift HHH's dead weight up for one last over-the-shoulder back breaker, HHH springs to life. POSSUM LIKE~! Boot the gut. Pedigree. Done. HHH wins. POSSUM > Italian Bear~!

Somewhere around 10-12 minutes, and better than I'd have guessed if you told me it was going that long. But still: great, and they attempted to tell the post-match story of "Sammartino won by losing" (since his battle was so valiant).



5) NEW JACK versus POGO the CLOWN (w/ Serena)
King of the Death Match championship
versus with
Video Package: King of the Death Match.

New Jack beat Pogo the Clown (w/Serena) via pinfall. Before we even get started, Pogo the Clown demands that you CUT THE MUSIC (somebody pay Rick Rude his Royalties~!)... so he can serenade himself down to the ring with his own sweet, sweet, asshole stylings. Basically: anybody who thinks New Jack can win tonight is hopped up on hallucinogenic drugs, and Pogo will save us with his Straight Edge Preaching. He'll save us all. Including New Jack. [Also: Serena. Faded jeans and a leather jacket have never looked so good on a girl who could -- conceivably, if she's an irresponsible groomer -- have more hair on her below the eyebrows than above. I don't like bald chicks, I SWEAR. I just really like that last two that have been in BCCW. Is that so wrong? The look in Serena's eyes tell me that no, there is nothing wrong with that. She is, in fact, three steps ahead of me in her dirty, filthy mind. I think THAT is what I like best.]

New Jack enters (I'm assuming he's trying to go "Walpole prison"-style with that get-up, in keeping with his other past fugitive costumes?). Pogo promptly beats the crap out of him, going to work on the SURGICALLY REPAIRED~! knee... big heat to start, but with a very vocal minority cheering for Pogo... this becomes amplified as the match goes along and Pogo is ass-kickingly awesome, and New Jack is just a textbook, homicidal, whitebread, underdog babyface... New Jack’s first real rally (not just a hope spot) ends with him setting up for a glass pane-assisted kendo stick shot, then "paying tribute" to Eddie with an attempted Frog Splash. Poor Pogo... he doesn't really deserve this.

Then, after about 8 minutes, Luke Gallows finally gets involved, and reminds the kiddies and fringe fans that Pogo the Clown is EVIL~!... Serena blocks a trash can shot then Luke Gallows tries to interfere... "BOOOOOO~!," the crowd suddenly remembers to say. Pogo clobbers Gallows with the barbed-wire shovel and then New Jack drop-toe-holds Pogo into Luke's crotch ("gut"), forcing Luke out of the ring, and leaving Pogo in perfect balcony-dive position. So New Jack hits with a 20-foot springboard splash, and that is all she wrote. It was 7 minutes of domination by Pogo the Clown followed up by 1 minute of New Jack coming back and scoring the win. Pretty f'n good, but unconscionably short, I'd say.




6) “VICIOUS” VIC GRIMES (w/ Cannibal Cartel) versus THE MESSIAH
(No Holds Barred/Falls Count Anywhere Match)
versus
Video Package: all things Messiah and Grimes. My second favorite of the hype packages, and I even correctly guessed that some douchnozzle would see fit to pretend like that "Messiah glistening with blood and charred skin" camera shot was High Art, instead of pointless fluffery...

”Vicious” Vic Grimes beat The Messiah in a No Holds Barred Match. The Messiah out first to a nice ovation, and thankfully: knows enough not to try too hard. Just jean shorts and a t-shirt for Messiah; no rasslin' tights. Then Vic hits the ring (in action slacks and a black wife-beater sweatshirt; btw, have I ever mentioned that I REALLY wanted to name my last band "Action Slacks," but got voted down? seriously, what's up with that? how is "Dirty Bombs" better? we compromised and became "The Big Hooks," if you care)... Vic wants to start talking.

He declares that he was in awe the night before when Messiah & Lizzy reunited.. but he knew it was all a charade... you see, Vic is upset that he only screwed The Messiah OFF-camera. He never got to administer the super-sized Screwing he always wanted to. But tonight: SCREWING ON~! Vic says he's got himself a whole slew of hired Lumberjacks for this match and he wants us to meet them all right now...

The Cannibal Cartel surrounds the ring, reminiscent of the men who jumped Messiah in his home and tried to murder him. And is one of them carrying a pair of GARDENING SHEARS???

Vic Grimes wastes no time just tossing The Messiah out to ringside, so Messiah can do what he does best – fuck muthaphuckkers up, hardcore-style. Chair shots and other inanimate objects beat the piss out of the goons. It all leads up to a cool-ass spot where The Cannibal Cartel re-invents the Hart Attack Clothesline on The Messiah, with a steel chair and a springboard from the TOP ROPE. Sweet.
Messiah back in the ring. Vic Grimes still not ready to expend his precious reserves of physical ability, so he tosses Messiah out again, and the others get in on the fun of just slapping Messiah around. Scary scene with the garden shears, before Messiah escapes and tries to hide under the ring… and comes out wielding a wrench! The wrench assault lasts about 2 minutes, and then Messiah has a notion to unleash the barbed wire and broken glass. The crowd wanty. Me too.

Messiah sets-up a table outside, but Grimes tosses him back into the ring and begins to control the match again. He again gets caught climbing the turnbuckles, and Messiah brings him back in with a Hurricanrana from the top. Air Messiah into the opposite corner, and Grimes falls out of the corner into the chair. After a two-count, Messiah goes for the Triple-Jump Moonsault, but Madman Pondo trips him up and Messiah goes face first into the chair. Trent Acid steps-in to check on Grimes, and gets pulled into an oncoming steel chair missile dropkick from Messiah! “Sick” Nick Mondo jumps up on the apron and eats a fireball!!!

Messiah sets a table up on the railing in the corner.  He gets up on the apron, hoists Sick Nick Mondo up for an Awesomebomb... powerbombing him through the table and Mondo appeared to over-rotate, landing squarely on the back of his head.  Grimes & Messiah both bring chairs into the ring and Messiah connects with a series of three wicked chair shots (For those of you that haven't seen Grimes, he never puts his hands up when get hets hit in the head with a chair).  Somehow, Vic Grimes not only gets back to his feet, but actually controls the match briefly with several variations of the chair shot.  Messiah hits a tope and that offers him enough time to bring a table into the ring.  He puts Grimes on the top turnbuckle, but Madman Pondo interferes and reverses it into a Tornado DDT through the table.  Grimes takes him back up, and brings Messiah down with a top rope Grimes Cutter through the remnants of the talbe.  1, 2, no!!!

Grimes goes back outside and sets another table up at ringside as the fans chant, “This Match Rules!” Madman Pondo (last of the conscious Cannibal Cartel) douses it with gasoline and lights the bonfire. Grimesbomb over the top rope and through the table to the floor, followed by a dive through the ropes (and the still flaming wreckage!!!), and Grimes gets the smoldering pinfall on the floor. Before leaving the ring, Vic Grimes and his Cannibal Cartel deliver a spiked powerbomb into a pit of broken glass and syringes to referee. Vic Grimes then a steel chair and whaps Messiah with it across the back. The crowd: "One more time, one more time." Oh, OK. One more time. And then about a dozen more. The Grand Wizard on commentary: "Man alive, what is this? 13 chairshots for 13 years of raging drug addictions?"... I think it ended up being more like 25, though. And some of 'em were, uhh, kinda rude. Not that I was sympathetic for even one second, cuz I wasn't... Cannibal Cartel celebrates in ring.


7) WADE BARRETT (w/ Bobby Heenan) versus TED DIBIASE JR (w/ Maryse)

versus

Wade Barrett (w/ Bobby Heenan) beat Ted Dibiase Jr (w/ Maryse) with a quick roll-up out of nowhere about 25 minutes into their grudge match. Slower pace to start, but at the 10 minute mark, we were moving along at full speed for the incredibly entertaining final two-thirds of the match. No really shocking "Holy Shit" spots, but a general vibe of fast-paced stuff with a bit of solid mat wrestling. Mostly, it was just a solid psychological match, with Barrett's offense centered on Dibiase’s wounded back and Dibiase’s comebacks perfectly timed for maximum impact. Brilliant interplay between Heenan and Maryse on the outside, climaxing with a massive slap to the stunned Weasel. The last 5 minutes or so had a few convincing near falls, but neither man would stay down. Finally, Barrett countered his way into a roll-up to get the three count. After the match, Barrett teased the Handshake of Mutual Respect, but instead (in a brilliant dick move) low-blowed Dibiase Jr and spat on him. [To me, the match of the night; great action, good heat, and of all the post-match bits, this was the one that clicked best. Absolutely zero complaints.]



8) ABDULLAH the BUTCHER versus MIL MASCARAS

versus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tW1Pkzi4BZo
PART ONE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZvV1POz3Qw
PART TWO


9) DESMOND WOLFE (w/ “Strangler” Lewis) versus MASAHIKO KIMURA (w/ Lou Thesz)
(Undisputed Championship Match)
versus

Video Package: Desmond Wolfe & Masahiko Kimura. Gold Dust Trio Inc versus what’s left of the Shooters Club. Featuring appearances by Mister Mondt, Ed “the Strangler” Lewis, Jack Swagger, Lou Thesz and Rikidozan (RIP). Delightful.

Desmond Wolfe defeats Masahiko Kimura via pinfall to retain the World Heavyweight Title. "Boxing" style intros for the first title match, and then Wolfe controls for the start, but at a pace that's suggestive of a longer, slow-building match. A lot of attention is given to Kimura’s takedown defense... nice touch...

Pace picks up at about 4 minutes in with Kimura’s first rally... he knocks Wolfe off the apron and into the announce table (head-first glancing blow), then gets Desmond onto the top rope for some jockeying that ends with Kimura hitting a Top rope Michinoku Driver. Nice. Tries to follow that with a Steamboat-esque top rope cross body, but Desmond Wolfe rolls through to attempt a Texas Cloverleaf, which Kimura easily re-counters. Now Kimura back up top again (not bad for a ”judo” guy) and hits an atomic sunset flip, which leads to a near-fall, then a roll over for a Wolfe near-fall, and then they lather, rinse, and repeat until there have been 6 tasty 2 counts. Then Wolfe breaks the chain wrestling to kick Kimura in the face. DICK~!

Desmond Wolfe on a bit of offense, leads to an attempted lariat, but Kimura tosses him into the turnbuckle. Wolfe tries a takedown, but Kimura dodges to the side and turns it into a leg lock which turns into a Walls attempt, which turns into a small package by Kimura. Kick out by Wolfe, but inverted skull buster by Masahiko Kimura, then another kick out by Desmond. Crowd is now FULLY VESTED~! after being slow to warm... more back and forth leads to an Impaler DDT by Kimura. But another kick out (Crowd determines this is Canada-worthy by busting out the "TWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!" howl for each near fall right around here). Wolfe seems to have leveled the playing field after hitting a top rope dive-bomb forearm shiver on Kimura's neck, but when that only gets a TWWOOOOOO, Desmond Wolfe gets cocky, and sets up Kimura for his own arm lock.

Kimura counters that with a big boot, and tries for a quick takedown of his own, only to spring face-first into a Codebreaker. Only a TWWWOOOOOOO. Wolfe follows up with the submission attempt, but Kimura gets a rope break... Kimura tries to rally, but Desmond Wolfe chickenshits his way into the ropes, and as Kimura is trying to pull him out, Kimura inadvertently elbows the ref... with the ref down (and Kimura checking on him like a good li'l babyface), Desmond Wolfe grabs his title belt, gets in the ring, and whaps Kimura with it. Wolfe hides the evidence, and covers. The ref goes all Drama-y on us for a slow count, and MASAHIKO KIMURA KICKS OUT AT 2.... but then Wolfe's just all "screw this noise" and hits a lariat cleanly. Cover. Three count. Over. That was 20 fun minutes, kids. And I like Desmond Wolfe retaining; then again, I thought Pogo the Clown was too good at what HE does to job him, too, so what do I know?


10) “NATURE BOY” BUDDY ROGERS versus JOHN CENA
(Unified World Championship Match)

versus

Video Package: Cena and Rogers. Yep, so Nature Boy's a giant jerk. I knew that already. And yet: I kinda like him. Wonder if anybody else feels the same way?

John Cena beat ”Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers via submission to win the Title. Buddy Rogers had a magnificent entrance, but Cena... oh christ, Cena... have you ever wondered what would happen if you introduced musical theatre mincery to Montana-based survivalist weirdos? No? Me either. But we still found out tonight. A bunch of dudes in faux military uniforms came out and twirled big manly guns, and then Cena hit the stage and ripped off an EXTRA-CRIPSY salute to his Chain Gang Army.

Boxing entrances again; heavy boos (with high pitched SQUEEEEES) for Cena, and a flat 50/50 split for Rogers. Seems like another slow-paced/long-match dealy out of the gate, but then out of nowhere, Cena goes for an FU and Buddy Rogers just worms out and turns it into a DDT. A RUDE~! DDT. I mean, just nasty. Both the ref and Cena acted weird at first, too, so I thought the worst: they botched it and Cena's really hurt (Cena does have for-real upper-back issues, too).... but they milked that awkwardness (the announcers even turned it into part of the "Story of the Match") for a bit, and then Cena powered out of a sleeper like nothing was wrong, so.... probably worried about nothing, there. Hopefully (Cena did keep shaking out his extremities, which is something *I* do cuz of my Judas Spine, which isn't fake... but maybe he was Just Acting).

Cena's comeback includes the Wacky Tackle, then the Wacky Slam, and LOTS of Wacky Boos.... goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Nature Boy springs up and turns that into an atomic drop… goes for the Figure 4, but Cena worms out and turns it into the SSTF... Rogers to the ropes quickly... ref breaks it, and Cena walks away, turning his back to Rogers... Nature Boy with the CHOPPING BLOCK... Rogers tries to follow up with a superplex.... Cena powers him off and hits a Top Rope Five Knuckle Shuffle.... Cena tries another FU, but Buddy Rogers uses the ropes to pull himself free and hit a lowblow... but Cena kicks out at 2... Nature Boy freaking out, and the crowd finally overcomes the Vocal Minority to give us the first real pro-Cena cheers of the night~!

Both men down after that, then both up for a KILLER spot.... Rogers tries for a cradle... Cena worms out into an FU attempt.... Rogers into a chicken-wing attempt... Cena into a tombstone attempt.... Rogers into a shoulderbreaker attempt, and then FINALLY (after 7 reversals where one guy was always off his feet and on the shoulder of the other guy), Cena hits the FU... BUT ONLY FOR A 2 COUNT~!

Cena is frustrated, and decides he needs Rare Tricks to win. He goes up top and tries a cross body. Rogers dodges and clips .. Rogers tries to follow that up with a Figure-4, but Cena weasels out and manages to lock in the SSTF. ”Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers taps fairly quickly at the 15 minute mark. Cena celebrates his title win. If my eyes don't deceive me, he even "celebrated" with an entire conclave of dudes wearing "I Hate Cena" shirts, and THEY were loving it as much as JonJon... oh, you silly marks~!

Huh. Pretty fricking good, to be honest. Not great, but pretty good. They got the most out of what they have to offer, and THAT is what I appreciate. BCCW will go and oversell that to insulting degrees, I'm sure, but whatever: you trust ME, right? Not THEM? BTW, if Cena wasn't actually knocked loopy in that opening spot, then kudos to him and BCCW for scripting that spot so that a pussy-ass 15 minute match could -- retroactively -- be presented as a 40-minute war of attrition in video packages. That's dishonest. But crafty. And also: it was pretty much a ton of fun.

I got nothing more to say, kids... if you saw it, I hope you enjoyed tonight as much as I did (it delivered on the good bits, and you canNOT complain about that ending), and if you didn't: well, you know how to operate the youtubes and infringe on BCCW's copyrights. I still say your desire to do so is THEIR fault, since if they built a suitable moustrap, you'd be buying it, so don't even feel guilty about stealing.... there's one match from tonight you GOTS to see, and a few others that wouldn't be wastes of time at all. And of course, while you're stealing BCCW's materials and using OO's free informational services, maybe you'll get religion for just one moment and PAYPAL ME~! Yeah. Cheap plugs rule...

RICK SCAIA

CREDITS

Rick Scaia: Wrestlemania 19, Wrestlemania 26 & One Night Stand 2005 reviews