What you know about twenty-three and one?
Locked down all day, never seeing the sun/
Vision stripped from you, never seeing your son.
You got bricks on the strip, never see’em get done/
BEANIE SIGEL – “What Your Life Like”
1) PEDRO MORALES versus TED DIBIASE JR (w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan)
Million Dollar Championship versus Last Chance in the Chamber
versus 
with 
The match begins with Dibiase going straight for Morales with punches. Morales is able to gain early control using the title belt as a weapon. Morales uses the ripped t-shirt of Dibiase to throw him into the corner of the ring. The ref holds Morales back from the corner, but he gets through soon enough. A reversal sends Morales into the turnbuckles, but a quick sunset flip reversal leads to a two count for Morales. Dibiase is sent to the outside here while Morales stays in the ring listening to the count. Dibiase gets up onto the apron and Morales pushes his head into the turnbuckle which sends him off the apron again. Morales goes up high, but Dibiase rolls enough under the ring to hide himself. Dibiase gets back into the ring and Morales stays in control. A low blow from Dibiase leads to both men lying on the mat as we go to a break.
Both men are getting to their feet and Dibiase tries to use the last piece of the shredded t-shirt to gain control of Morales. A low blow from Morales breaks it up. Dibiase is thrown into the turnbuckle, and when Morales tries to follow it up by flying knee first into him. Dibiase moves and Morales smashes his knee into the top turnbuckle. Dibiase starts to work on Morales’s knee, hyperextending it. Both men make it to standing again, and Dibiase continues to attack Morales’s knee. He locks in a figure four leglock (shades of “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers’ tutelage), but Morales is able to get it broken by getting to the ropes. Morales rakes Dibiase ‘s eyes, and when Dibiase tries to go for another leg lock, Morales uses his good leg to send him shoulder first into the turnbuckle. When both men get to standing again, Morales is able to hit a backbreaker, and locks in a boston crab but he can’t hold it. Morales sends Dibiase into the ropes, and tries to lift him for a scoopslam, but he falls back and Dibiase is able to get the three count. Winner, STILL Million Dollar Champion, and now advancing to the Elimination Chamber main event: “The Fortunate Son”.
Winner: TED DIBIASE JR
TED DIBIASE JR: I couldn’t care less if they don’t officially recognize the Million Dollar Championship. First of all, the belt itself has more real monetary worth than any title belt in this federation. It’s not my fault that my father respected the worth of the title enough to invest major money in it, while Vince McMahon was too cheap to put the same money into his world title belts, much less the secondary belts like the Intercontinental championship. Second, this championship is every bit as prestigious as any world title.
“Straight Edge” by Minor Threat
Enter the STRAIGHT EDGE SOCIETY – Luke Gallows (with a noose around his neck) and Necro Butcher, with a custom-designed steel chair in his hand. They take the ring to a chorus of boos, and Gallows grabs the house mic.
LUKE GALLOWS: (holds up the noose around his neck) “The Gallows Pole” certainly works better as a finishing maneuver than as a Led Zeppelin song. When I joined the SES, I decided that I needed a new finisher, and I wanted something that was effective but simple. When I hook my arms around my opponent, I cut off his air supply with my hands on his nose and mouth. Then it’s just straight up and straight down – and lights out.
Cue “Boy From New York City” by Manhattan Transfer
CHARLIE BROWN from OUTTA TOWN: For a long time as Handsome Jimmy, I was dirty and bad and rotten to the core. I was cocky and struttin’ around doing all kinds of stuff. I never changed my style, but they just put me with different guys…and boom, it popped. So I fit right in there with that role. The thing was, ‘The Boy From New York City’ was hot back then with the [musical group] Manhattan Transfer. But I could have come out to the ring with my own songs. I came out to my own songs in Memphis…like ‘Son Of A Gypsy.’ But we settled on ‘The Boy From New York City. (laughs) Well, when the Boogie Woogie Man was born, I tried to think of something besides the beard and the music to be different. I said, ‘Hey, nobody else is kissing people!
The masked man makes his way down to the ring and through the crowd, licking, hugging and kissing people like the Bushwackers used to do! Crowd is delirious with the outpouring of affection. Inside the ring, the SES seethe quietly.
CHARLIE BROWN from OUTTA TOWN: Man, I went out there and was kissing men, women, girls, boys, grandmas, grandpas!!!
NECRO BUTCHER: (holds up the custom designed chair, with a picture of Charlie Brown from Outta Town under the caption “Smash Here”) I seem to have developed a strong sense of creativity with steel folding chairs. I guess the main reason would be they are pretty common in wrestling arenas.
CHARLIE BROWN from OUTTA TOWN: You know, I was in jail with Charlie Brown. But you know, the people could trust Charlie Brown. The only reason I have to wear the mask, is because I’m REAL ugly. Man, I was so low after that I was just sitting out there on the curb. I mean, they took something really personal that belonged to me.
Necro Butcher begins to stalk Charlie Brown with his steel chair up the entrance ramp, but the masked man looks nonplussed. He waves his finger like Dikembe Mutombo as if to say “nuh uh, not in my house”. Cue “Twist” by Korn!
Reintroducing…
THE MESSIAH
2) STRAIGHT EDGE SOCIETY versus CHARLIE BROWN from OUTTA TOWN & THE MESSIAH
(Boogie Man Jam 2010 = Beard versus Disbandment)
He’s back! The Messiah slides into the ring unbeknownst to Luke Gallows, with his OWN chair and goes to town on SES leader! Stiff shots, springboard steel chair-assisted dropkicks and crushing suplexes! In the aisle, Charlie Brown and Necro Butcher brawl through the crowd and all hell has broken loose again in the Slaughtahouse!!! If the SES win, Charlie Brown will have his beautiful, luxurious, manly (aka “frizzy, mangy and unkempt”) beard shaved clean off. But if Charlie Brown and his mystery tag team partner The Messiah win – the Straight Edge Society will be permanently disbanded!!! So this whole match is a sheer and utter fight for survival. Straight slobberknocker. In the end, Necro Butcher gets powerbombed through a glass pane/fluorescent light tube/table tower and Luke Gallows falls prey to an Arabian-face buster from Messiah followed by the Boogie Woogie elbow by Charlie Brown for the 1-2-3!!! The SES is finished in BCCW!!! Messiah and Charlie Brown celebrate in the ring.
Winners: CHARLIE BROWN from OUTTA TOWN and THE MESSIAH
Post match, Luke Gallows continues the attack from behind – propelling Messiah from the ring and clubbing a downed Charlie Brown with repeated steel chair shots, similar to Randy Orton on Sheamus during Monday Night RAW. He and the Messiah start brawling.
Suddenly, POGO the CLOWN makes his way down to the ring with his own steel chair. He cleans house, takes out Charlie Brown and bloodies The Messiah. Luke Gallows cackles evilly and rubs the big man’s shoulders. POGO the CLOWN just stands there heaving… gives a crooked, head-cocked sideways glance at Luke Gallows… and then CLOBBERS HIM WITH THE STEEL CHAIR! Crowd pops huge at the unexpected violent act! The steel chair has a wicked dent from Gallows’ skull! POGO the CLOWN grabs the mic…
POGO the CLOWN: These motherfuckers got me in a fucking 3 way match tonight. Let me tell you something Abdullah the motherfucking Butcher. Let me tell you something old man. If you try to fucking fork me with that motherfucking fork motherfucker, I'm gonna fucking kick your motherfucking dentures down your fucking throat, boy! You understand me? Vic fuckin Grimes. Let me tell you something boy - you pull that son of a fuck sidekick piece of fuck thing you got in that motherfucking bag, and you put that motherfucker five fucking feet from me motherfucker, I'm gonna fucking carve that fucking son of a bitch up and shove it down Abby's motherfucking throat. You got me boy? Let me tell you something boys, you ain't never met nobody like me!
3) POGO the CLOWN versus ABDULLAH the BUTCHER versus “VICIOUS” VIC GRIMES
King of the Death Match #1 Contender Match
versus 
versus 
Pogo already in the ring. An enraged Abdullah the Butcher darts from behind the black curtain towards the ring, stabbing and disemboweling every ref and ring official in his way!!!! He finally gets in the ring, and the two titanic monsters go head to head while Grimes makes his way down carrying a pizza cutter (and escorted by black trench coat-wearing TRENT ACID and “SICK” NICK MONDO). Hardcore heaven – forks, spikes, glass panes and barbed wire 2x4s. “Cannibal Cartel” members Mondo & Acid patrol ringside with their weapons of choice (Mondo with a spiked board adorned with light bulbs, and Acid w/ two fluorescent light tubes he wields like Light Sabers).
Abdullah was the first to be eliminated, pin fall by Pogo the Clown after a 400-pound top rope splash through a barbed wire table. Things took a turn towards the unfair when the Cannibal Cartel’s numbers caught up with Pogo the Clown. He absorbs massive punishment before making the Herculean comeback after Grimes botches his patented gasoline-soaked flaming table bit. The Cannibal Cartel work in concert to heave the massive Pogo through it, but at the last split second a bald-headed bullet streaks to ringside for the save…
It’s the recently-released WWE/SES Diva SERENA!!!!
Ballshot, kendo stick shot, and suddenly – “Sick” Nick Mondo is the one who goes through the flaming table (shirtless and all!!!) Pogo the Clown unleashes a massive avalanche in the corner through a barbed wire board for Trent Acid, and finally Vic Grimes and Pogo the Clown are alone in the match again! Quick, fast-paced brawling exchange that ends with a Shock Treatment to Vic Grimes at the hands of the massive Killer Clown. But the “Kilo Killa” isn’t out of Aces yet…
Through the crowd comes the slovenly, crack-head looking, human horror show MAD MAN PONDO! (complete with all black “C.C.” ensemble).
His first target is the lovely Serena, still hovering around ringside! PONDO snatches her up and with a wicked glare and grin, plays to the crowd with a jagged shard of glass in his other hand. Pogo saves, but the two remaining Cannibal Cartel members get the advantage again. Vic Grimes sets up for the gasoline-soaked table spot one more time, until…
THE MESSIAH returns!!!
A previous victim of “Kilo Killa” Vic Grimes (in real life, and at “CITY of CHAMPIONS”) The Messiah streaks to ringside amidst swelling cheers from the BCCW audience. Wielding a steel chair with malicious intent, The Messiah dominates and decimates MadMan Pondo with a firemans stunner into a bed of glass, nails, tacks and syringes. More creative chair spots from Messiah to Vic Grimes, and that leaves the door open for Pogo the Clown to press slam Grimes through the burning table in dramatic fashion! Pogo the Clown wins the match and pounds his chest in the ring (while Serena wraps herself around his legs like an Anaconda), with the remains of the burning table, blood and debris adding to the visual horror around him. Messiah disappears, and a pissed off Grimes (with his battered Cannibal Cartel) takes his anger out on the refs with a Grimes-cutter on a pile of broken glass. The Cartel raise their hands in unison again to great crowd disdain.
Winner (and King of the Death Match #1 Contender): POGO the CLOWN (w/ Serena)
4) THE FABULOUS FREEBIRDS versus BLK MOBB
(Street Fight)
versus 
Scott Keith completists will already know my feelings about this one, but for the rest of you, this is a fairly famous match that is an answer to a trivia question about myself I once posed in a previous rant. The stipulation here is that the BLK MOBB have to split up should they lose. Michael Hayes is notably absent from the introductions, and Buddy Roberts explains that he has a “broken arm” and will not be participating tonight (as result of his beatdown at “KNOW the LEDGE”), so for the sake of fairness the match will be 2/3 falls. Sabian attacks with a chain, while Ruckus heads to the back. Vicious chair shot for Gordy as Ruckus finds Michael Hayes waiting behind the curtain to interfere and makes him a bloody mess! Terry Gordy brings a table in, piledrives Sabian THROUGH the table, and gets the pin at 2:07. Wild spot there. The Freebirds double-DDT Ruckus and get a two-count. Gordy brings another table in and it gets set up. Buddy Roberts gets superplexed through it for the pin at 4:17 to even things up. Okay, that was all just the warmup session for the REAL fun.
Brawl into the crowd as Terry Gordy KILLS Sabian, but gets chaired. Meanwhile, Ruckus and Buddy Roberts head back in, where a third table gets involved and the ref gets bumped in the process. Michael Hayes run in to make it 3-on-2, and the heels pair off and superbomb both BLK MOBB at once. However, since the law of heel-babyface relations says that a babyface having his own move done to him does not have to sell, they invoke it and pop right back up. DDTs for the heels, and Michael Hayes gets Warriorz Way’d through a table with a steel chair. Yet another table is set up for Buddy Roberts, but he hits his head on the EDGE of the table and I’m shocked he’s still alive. That gets two, so he’s alive. They beat on Gordy, while Hayes readies an ether-soaked rag to choke Ruckus out. That spot was intended as a rib on Jim Cornette’s booking. Terry Gordy puts him on two tables, legdrops him through the first one, and elbows him through the second one. That’s devastating enough to require EMTs for Ruckus. In the ring, Buddy Roberts goes up and gets crotched, and Sabian hurricanranas him through a table for two. Terry Gordy hooks himself a chain and makes the save.
Suddenly!!! “Natural Born Killaz” by Dr Dre & Ice Cube!!!
It’s NEW JACK!!!
New Jack runs in to take Ruckus' place and beats the hell out of The Fabulous Freebirds. 20-foot balcony dive gets the pin at 14:41, but MSD's not sure who actually won. Turns out to be a moot point, as Michael Hayes comes in to dispute the decision since New Jack isn't legally in the match and he was just being nice allowing it to go on under 2/3 falls rules anyway. And the pin on Buddy Roberts doesn't count, so he still never pinned him. So New Jack gives Michael Hayes the BIGGEST KENDO STICK SHOT Ever, and the place is just going apeshit!!! Ruckus rejoins things, and they set up Gordy for the BLK JEEZ stomp, then put Hayes on top of HIM, stomp both guys at once and New Jack personally counts the pin at 19:40 as the BLK MOBB finally wins. Whereas normally overbooking is done too often in the wrong place, this was exactly the right amount of excess done in the right match, with the right finish. And given the total insanity of everything after the 5:00 mark and all the intricate storylines weaved into one 20:00 match, this became the one and only match in BCCW history that I ever rated *****, so for those of you who still e-mail me asking about it, there you are. This match was also voted #1 in the DVDVR awards for the Best BCCW Match, so many agree with me on it. Of course, many also disagree, most notably Dave Meltzer (albeit in a nice way). This is definitely a match you need the right context to fully "get", but I'd recommend checking it out at least once to see what MSD is capable of with the right motivation and guys.
* SCOTT KEITH
New Jack grabs the mic and cuts a promo.
NEW JACK: I never thought that I would miss nobody in my life, but to be honest I missed these crazy, retarded motherfuckers from BCCW. Maybe I'm losing my god-damn mind, I don't know. But for some reason, sitting in the Atlanta City Jail for damn near five weeks I was like, 'right about now I'd be in the ring beating the fuck outta somebody, but I'm sitting here looking at this motherfucking TV.
They made me watch that bullshit TNA I'm gonna clear up a myth: I jacked off that night. Hard. I'm about tired of these motherfuckers coming out here talking about Eric Bischoff. Fuck Eric Bischoff. I don't know him and I don't know Vince McMahon. I don't give a fuck if you used to wrestle in WCW or WWE. That ain't BCCW. OK, true enough, that may be where the big boys play but THIS is where the real motherfuckers get down. So I don't give a damn about TNA, I don't give a damn about WWE… because, you see, this is where the real deal is happening. True enough, they got motherfuckers that are 6'9", 6'10". So fucking what? They don't know a headlock from a liplock so fuck 'em all ...
5) EVAN BOURNE versus MIL MASCARAS
(Mexican Death Match)
versus 
quote:
Mexican death match: Mil Mascaras versus Evan Bourne. Rules are the usual: Pinfall, then 10 seconds to answer the bell. Fast start sees Bourne snapping off a rana for the pin at 0:26. Mascaras gets up easily. More flying and they both tumble out. Mascaras badly blows a spot on the railing and messes up his knee, so Bourne improvises and beats on the knee. A moonsault gets the pin moments later at 2:28. Mascaras answers the bell. Mil Mascaras powerbombs him for the pin at 3:45. Evan Bourne is up at 9. Twisting senton gets another pin at 5:25, and again Bourne waits until 9 and gets up. That’s actually really smart, because taking a pinfall gives you 10 seconds to rest untouched. MSD points that out later. A moonsault on the chair gets another pin at 6:50. Evan Bourne makes it up at 9. What a beating. Bourne kills the knee, but Mascaras was goldbricking. Greco-roman chair to the face cues the comeback. They go brawling into the crowd, and Bourne nails a quebrada. They fight to and fro in the crowd, and out to the Eagle’s Nest, where Evan Bourne hits a rana from the Nest, down to where Mil Mascaras is on the floor! That gets the pin at 11:04, and this time there’s no getting up. Great match. ****
SCOTT KEITH
6) ALEXXIS NEVEAH and LIZZY BORDEN versus SAMMI LANE & “ADORABLE” ADRIAN ADONIS
& 
versus
& 
And wasn't the world just waiting for this one? MSD goes off on a hilarious rant about the fact that Adonis & Lane are announced at 465 total, which he estimates is at least 100 pounds low. Alexxis & Lizzy enter to a huge ovation. Adonis is actually looking pretty lithe here. Adonis uses his huge ass to dominate Lizzy Borden, and Lizzy actually sells. You can always tell when The Grand Wizard hates someone in real life because of how much he cheers against them. If that's true, then must HATE Lizzy Borden. I mean, I would not want to be in the same room if they ever met, if his commentary here is any indication. Continues with Adonis playing cow-in-peril after a ball-shot with a scepter. Alexxis and Sammi get into it, and Liz tosses Adonis back in, then grabs him by the balls and shoves him back into Alexxis which allows a rollup for the win.
WINNERS: Alexxis Neveah & Lizzy Borden
7) ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH (Wade Barrett, Ted DiBiase, Triple H, John Cena, Masahiko Kimura, Jack Swagger, Desmond Wolfe and “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers)
Full ring intros took place. Cena first, then Diamond Dynasty, then Triple H, then Masahiko Kimura, Jack Swagger, and finally Desmond Wolfe. Lawler said Triple H "statistically" should be considered the favorite based on his winning five of six Chamber matches he's participated in. Everyone got in their corner pod. Cena did the "You can't see me" hand wave. MSD did his weird history thing where he talks about the last time a title changed hands in this city, as if that has anything to do with whether a title would be more or less likely to change hands tonight. I like making each city's history relevant, but sometimes he phrases it like it makes a bit of difference. The bell rang 15 minutes into the hour with Swagger vs. Kimura(!!!). MSD pointed out that BCCW has evolved quickly, with some faces that are familiar and others that are quite new.
After five minutes of unbelievable action between Swagger and Kimura, the camera in the rafters looked down at the ring as the lights flashed and the eerie game show music played (if there is such a thing) and the light stopped on Triple H's pod. The camera closed in on Triple H who smiled at the prospect of entering. Rogers (still in his pod) didn't show overt fear and held his ground. Triple H took early advantage. Kimura recovered and got into the mix, including a slingshot legdrop onto Triple H at ringside.
At 10:00 Barrett was released from his pod. He went right after Triple H, then Kimura, then Swagger. Kimura went for a springboard move at Barrett, but he caught him with a Waste Land in mid-air. Barrett fended off Triple H with a powerslam. Swagger went for a ”Catalina Wine Mixer” (gutwrench powerbomb). Triple H countered. Kimura moved in. Barrett fought him off. Triple H went for a Pedigree. Barrett then backdropped Triple H onto the platform at ringside. Desmond Wolfe entered the match and went after Swagger.
At 15:00 DiBIase entered. DiBiase helped Barrett to his feet and they double-teamed Triple H. Kimura was KO'd at ringside as the double-team lasted several minutes. Cena continued to watch. MSD freaked out as Barrett DDT'd Triple H onto the steel raised platform at ringside (even with the ring canvas). MSDsaid that will be the end of the line for The Game. ”Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers exited his pod and entered the match
Cena was to be the last in. As the clock counted down, The Diamond Dynasty stood and stared him down. Cena entered took it to both Barrett and DiBiase. ”Nature Boy” fled the area. Cena hit Barrett with the Five Knuckle Shuffle and then followed up with a top rope legdrop onto the back of DiBiase's neck. He then gave DiBiase an Attitude Adjustment onto the platform at ringside. Wolfe came behind Cena and threw him over the top rope. Cena looked like he leaped over the top rope and then landed really softly. Even MSD had to point out that Cena landed lightly. Cena reverse whipped Wolfe into the cage, then returned to center-ring to put DiBiase in the STF. Rogers broke that up. Bobby “the Brain” Heenan came to ringside and threw a steel pipe into the ring. DiBiase accidentally hit Barrett as Cena had him lifted for an Attitude Adjustment!!! DiBiase also hit Cena, then stood over both Cena and Barrett and chose to cover Barrett to eliminate him. Heenan gulped at ringside, looking confused and worried. He retreated to the back. The announcers wondered whether it was a purposeful move by DiBiase to hit Barrett. Barrett stared down DiBiase as he was led out of the ring. He was then angrily confronted by Buddy Rogers, before the two of them were attacked by Kimura and Swagger.
Desmond Wolfe, after a long recovery at ringside, got up. Wolfe dumped Kimura over the top rope, but Kimura reversed him into the ring, then hit Dibiase with springboard spinning heel kick for the pin, eliminating DiBiase. Rogers went after Kimura right away, giving him a low blow for the win, eliminating Kimura at 26:00. Jack Swagger met his demise shortly after a German Suplex/Neckbreaker combo from Wolfe & Rogers. The Nature Boy & Desmond Wolfe battled Cena back-and-forth for the win, with Triple H still out at ringside. When Wolfe lifted Cena off the top rope for a released edge, Triple H returned and gave Rogers a low blow. He then gave Wolfe the Pedigree for the elimination at 28:00. That guaranteed a new champion, announced The Grand Wizard on commentary.
They were all slow to get up. Cena rose first and applied the STF on a spent Triple H, who was lying face-down. Triple H struggled briefly, but then tapped out. Rogers and Cena finally had their epic-level face-off. Heenan and his steel pipe returned at ringside, and this time it paid off for the Dynasty as Rogers used the weapon with deadly efficiency – cracking Cena in the knee and noggin. He pandered to the audience, got cocky and unleashed the original Nature Boy strut. Crowd heat was insane. After a chain of reversals and close-calls (and Heenan handing Rogers a set of brass knucks to hide in his tights), Cena propped Rogers into position for the FU Attitude Adjustment – only to have his head shattered by an unseen shot from Rogers’ brass knuckles. Cena collapsed in a bloody, unconscious heap and “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers got the tainted pinfall!!!
WINNER: ”Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers to capture the WWE Title at 30:00.
STAR RATING: *****
WADE KELLER
CREDITS
Pedro Morales versus Ted Dibiase match layout based on IC Championship Pedro Morales versus Don Muraco from January 22nd 1983
LUKE GALLOWS: WWE Magazine September 2010
NECRO BUTCHER: Village Voice March 20th 2009
CHARLIE BROWN from OUTTA TOWN: Mid Atlantic Interview with David Chappell
POGO the CLOWN: Promo before his 3 Way Dance with Abdullah The Butcher & Jake The Snake Roberts at JCW BloodyMania
NEW JACK: Big Ass Extreme Bash (night 2) March 9th, 1996
SCOTT KEITH: November to Remember 95, Wrestle War 1989 & Wrestlemania 6 rants
WADE KELLER: Elimination Chamber 2010 recap
TED DIBIASE JR: PWI Magazine October 2010
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